Math Sucks, But What’s a Farmer Gonna Do Without Subtraction?
Performed by Bale Harrison and the Texas Field Hands
Math Sucks, But What’s a Farmer Gonna Do Without Subtraction? – DOWNLOAD
(Verse 1)
I never liked math, no, I ain’t no fool,
Barely passed high school, never used them tools.
But out in the fields, it ain’t just plowin’ rows,
Gotta crunch them numbers or you’ll never grow.
Seeds in the ground, cows in the pen,
I gotta subtract, or I’ll be broke again.
(Chorus)
Math sucks, but what’s a farmer gonna do,
Without subtraction, man, I’d be through.
From tractors to taxes, from labor to land,
I’m cuttin’ down costs with a pencil in hand.
It’s not about the taxes or Uncle Sam’s fine,
Gotta subtract from my bottom line.
(Verse 2)
Seed and fertilizer, gotta take that off the top,
Feed for the cattle, it’s like it’ll never stop.
Veterinarians, and the rent on my fields,
If I don’t subtract right, man, it’ll never yield.
The barn needs fixin’, and the truck’s outta gas,
Subtract that quick, or I won’t last!
(Chorus)
Math sucks, but what’s a farmer gonna do,
Without subtraction, man, I’d be through.
From tractors to taxes, from labor to land,
I’m cuttin’ down costs with a pencil in hand.
It’s not about the taxes or Uncle Sam’s fine,
Gotta subtract from my bottom line.
(Bridge)
There’s the vet, the feed, and the land I lease,
Fuel and machinery, it don’t come cheap.
The water bill’s climbin’, and the lights ain’t free,
Gotta subtract ‘em all if I wanna be free.
(Verse 3)
Insurance for crops, and repairs on the fence,
Every little thing makes no damn sense.
If I ain’t calculatin’, well, I’m outta luck,
So I sit down with my ledger, grit my teeth, and subtract.
Storage and processing, and those market fees,
Subtract ‘em right, or I’m down on my knees.
(Chorus)
Math sucks, but what’s a farmer gonna do,
Without subtraction, man, I’d be through.
From tractors to taxes, from labor to land,
I’m cuttin’ down costs with a pencil in hand.
It’s not about the taxes or Uncle Sam’s fine,
Gotta subtract from my bottom line.
(Outro)
Yeah, math ain’t fun, and I hate the thought,
But if I don’t subtract, I’ll lose what I’ve got.
It’s a farmer’s life, not just workin’ it’;s getting in a bind,
Subtractin’ every penny from my bottom line!
Subtracting the Farm: Where Math Meets Mud
Farming—it’s the purest way to connect with the earth, right? Just you, the land, and the sweat of your brow. Oh, and let’s not forget about the giant calculator that’s permanently attached to your hand. Because if you think farming is all tractors and sunsets, think again. It’s a never-ending math class where you subtract so much from your bottom line, you’re starting to wonder if you should go back to school and get a degree in accounting. Let’s break down this “simple” life, shall we?
1. Seeds and Fertilizer: The Money Tree that Never Grew
You plant seeds in the ground, expecting a crop in return. But before you even dig a hole, you’re already subtracting from your bottom line. Seeds are expensive, and with the high-end fertilizers these days, you’re spending more money on feeding the plants than you are on feeding yourself. You tell your kids, “We might not have dinner, but at least the corn’s happy.”
2. Equipment: The Gift that Keeps on Breaking
Ah yes, your trusty tractor. Nothing quite like spending six figures on a machine that breaks down faster than your patience. Maintenance, fuel, repairs—it’s like this thing is actively trying to subtract your money one part at a time. Every time you hear a new clank or grind, it’s like listening to your bank account slowly emptying.
3. Animal Costs: Mooching Money Off You
Got cows? Chickens? Maybe a few pigs? Well, guess what—they eat like they’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but the bill’s on you. Feed, bedding, vet bills—subtract, subtract, subtract. Your cows are basically walking tax deductions at this point, except you can’t write off the stress they cause.
4. Insurance: Because Everything’s Out to Get You
When you’re a farmer, insurance isn’t just a suggestion—it’s a survival tactic. You’ve got crop insurance, livestock insurance, equipment insurance, liability insurance… Honestly, you’re more insured than a Kardashian wedding. But unlike a Kardashian, you’re not making money from the drama, just losing it. Subtract another chunk from the bottom line.
5. Labor Costs: The Only Thing Growing Faster Than Weeds
You thought you could do it all yourself? Think again. Unless you’ve somehow cloned yourself, you’re going to need labor. And labor isn’t cheap, especially when it comes with benefits, insurance, and the occasional tractor driver who insists on mowing down your fence for fun. That’s a triple subtraction right there: labor cost, fence repair, and a hit to your will to live.
6. Taxes: The Government Wants a Piece of the Pie (And the Corn)
Taxes are a part of life, sure. But for farmers, it feels like every year the taxman is just as interested in your crops as you are. You’re subtracting from your income before you even see it. “Hey, Mr. Farmer, you made a profit this year, huh? That’s nice. Now hand it over.”
7. Repairs and Maintenance: The Hole in Your Wallet
Farm buildings, fences, and equipment all have one thing in common—they break. And they break often. Whether it’s patching up a barn roof that seems to leak every time a cloud appears or repairing the fence that your cows keep escaping from, subtract another pile of cash.
8. Land: The Gift that Costs Forever
If you’re renting land, you’re essentially subtracting from your bottom line for the privilege of working yourself into the ground. And if you own it, there are property taxes and improvement costs. Either way, land is the gift that keeps on taking.
9. Water and Utilities: You Mean This Isn’t Free?
Watering crops, running the barn lights, powering the machinery—it’s like you’re running your own little city, except the only citizens are cows, corn, and a very stressed-out farmer. Every time you see the water bill, you subtract more from your bottom line than you thought possible.
10. Veterinary Bills: Healing Your Animals, Hurting Your Wallet
Whether it’s cows with indigestion or chickens who’ve decided they no longer feel like laying eggs, vet bills are inevitable. And the more you try to avoid them, the higher they seem to climb. Subtract another handful of dollars every time a cow coughs.
The Final Sum
So, what’s left at the bottom of the ledger after all this subtracting? You, standing in your field, calculator in hand, looking at a very thin bottom line and wondering, “Why didn’t I just become an accountant?” But no, you’re a farmer. And while math may suck, at least you’ve got a good crop of character—because that’s the only thing you can’t subtract.
