Nashville Ain’t Really That Far From Hollywood

Lyrics: Turns Out, Nashville Ain’t Really That Far From Hollywood

Performed by Debbie “Hayride” Harper & The Prairie Songbirds

Nashville’s prices are climbing too, and while you might still be able to afford a biscuit somewhere, give it another year and you’ll be paying $10 just to sit in the traffic on Music Row. At this rate, even your guitar strings will start charging rent. — Paisley Jo Cattleman

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Chorus: Turns out, Nashville ain’t really that far from Hollywood,
The lights, the lies, and all the things misunderstood.
From pay-for-play to promises that don’t last,
Turns out, dreams in both towns fade just as fast.

Verse 1: I thought extortion was illegal, a Hollywood scheme,
Where the stars shine bright, and everyone’s got a claim.
Now the slugs are movin’ east, draggin’ dirt to the country hood,
They’re after Garth—hope his lawyers are good.

Verse 2:
With Pay-o-la, big boys pay the stations to play their song,
And if you’re new in town, you’re just another one who’s wrong.
The radio won’t spin your tune, no matter how you try,
New artists waste their time while the old ones get by.

Chorus: Turns out, Nashville ain’t really that far from Hollywood,
The lights, the lies, and all the things misunderstood.
From pay-for-play to promises that don’t last,
Turns out, dreams in both towns fade just as fast.

Bridge:
Hyped and overrated, from LA to Tennessee,
LA’s beaches, glamor—ain’t what they claim to be.
Nashville’s magic? A corner beer-stained song,
Turns out, in both these towns, you’ve been wronged all along.

Verse 3:
LA’s all about the image, and a smoothie on the side,
Whether you’re a yogi or some influencer on a ride.
But Nashville’s got its own scene, drunks with guitars,
Everyone’s a singer-songwriter, strummin’ in the bars.

Verse 4:
In LA, they chase the fame and hope for golden days,
But end up servin’ lattes, barely makin’ their way.
Nashville ain’t much different, you’re playin’ tips for years,
Just hopin’ someone notices through all the spilled beers.

Chorus:
Turns out, Nashville ain’t really that far from Hollywood,
The lights, the lies, and all the things misunderstood.
From pay-for-play to promises that don’t last,
Turns out, dreams in both towns fade just as fast.

Outro:
If you wanna ruin a peaceful night, head on down to Broadway’s scene,
It’s bachelorette central, y’all, where the bridal squads are mean.
Matching boots and pedal bars, with “woo’s” that never stop,
Feels like the sorority from hell, takin’ over the honky-tonk shop.

LA’s got its wild brides too, but at least they valet park,
In Nashville, you’re dodging bridal squads, trying to hit the mark.

At the end of the day, the price is steep, in both LA and Nashville,
Eight bucks for “organic, artisanal, free-range” moonshine,” overkill.
Rent’s so high, you’ll need a loan just to make it through the week,
Barter skills required, y’all, if it’s survival that you seek.

Yeah, turns out Nashville ain’t really that far,
From the broken dreams and busted hearts of Hollywood’s stars.

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Nashville Ain’t Really That Far From Hollywood – Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger

 

 

Songwriter’s Notes: Nashville Ain’t that Far from Hollywood

1. Traffic Nightmares

• LA: Everyone knows LA traffic is a never-ending parking lot, except in LA, they charge you for parking! Walking to your destination? Sure, if you’re cool with aging a decade before you get there. Crawling might be faster, but make sure to stretch first—you don’t want a cramp on the 405.
• Nashville: Nashville’s traffic is like LA’s little brother who’s trying to keep up. As the city grows, so does its gridlock. It’s not quite an Olympic sport yet, but if it keeps up, there’ll be medals handed out for “Best Road Rage Performance in a Honky-Tonk Traffic Jam.”

2. Overpriced Housing

• LA: Trying to buy a home in LA? Better start collecting those rare Pokémon cards for extra cash. Unless you’re a Hollywood A-lister or you own a start-up that invented flying toasters, you’ll be stuck in a closet-sized apartment where your kitchen is also your bedroom.
• Nashville: In Nashville, the housing market is the real outlaw—wanted for robbery in broad daylight. Prices are so high, it’s like LA said, “Hold my avocado toast,” and Nashville replied, “Hold my guitar, cowboy!” Even Dolly Parton might have to take out a second mortgage.

3. Tourist Traps

• LA: The Walk of Fame is great if you enjoy looking at dirty stars on the sidewalk while sidestepping Spider-Man impersonators who look like they need a GoFundMe. And don’t even think about buying a souvenir unless you want to pay $30 for a keychain that says “Hollywood” and probably breaks by the time you get home.
• Nashville: Walking through Nashville’s downtown, you can’t escape “Live Music” signs everywhere, promising an authentic experience that’s really just a cover band playing “Free Bird” for the 4,000th time. Honky-tonk heaven? More like honky-tonk tourist hell, complete with overpriced beer and fake cowboy boots.

6. Gentrification

• LA: Historic neighborhoods? Gone. Bulldozed faster than you can say “trendy.” In their place, a parade of million-dollar lofts and organic juice bars where the avocado toast costs more than your first car. Goodbye local culture, hello yoga studios that charge rent for mat space.
• Nashville: Same story, different cowboy hat. In Nashville, longtime residents are getting priced out by luxury condos with names like “The Honky-Tonk Heights.” You know it’s bad when the only thing you can afford in your neighborhood is a $12 artisanal pickle from the farmers’ market.

8. Fame-Obsessed Culture

• LA: In LA, fame is more valuable than actual currency. Everyone’s either an actor, a model, or an influencer—or worse, a combination of all three. You can’t order a latte without hearing someone pitch their screenplay about a talking robot who becomes a vegan.
• Nashville: In Nashville, it’s the same, but swap the scripts for guitars. No one cares about your day job—they only want to know who you’ve opened for and if you’ve ever written a song for a guy who knows a guy that once tuned Willie Nelson’s guitar.

9. Overrun by Bachelorette Parties

• LA: LA might not have the bachelorette reputation, but on a Friday night, Hollywood Boulevard looks like a catwalk for future divorcees. Feather boas, tiaras, and a bride-to-be dancing on the hood of a parked car while yelling, “I’m getting married, y’all!”—it’s like a real-life reality show.
• Nashville: But Nashville? Oh, Nashville takes the bachelorette party cake (literally, they’re all over the place). It’s a bridal squad invasion, all in matching pink cowboy hats, screaming “Woo!” from a pedal tavern as they parade through the streets, demanding shots of whiskey like it’s their last night on Earth.

10. Superficial Friendships

• LA: Friendships in LA are like Hollywood blockbusters—flashy but often lacking depth. It’s less about sharing real moments and more about networking over kale salads. If your buddy doesn’t ask for your headshot by the second meeting, are you even friends?
• Nashville: Nashville’s music industry brings its own brand of superficial friendships. Here, people will ask you what label you’re with before they even care about your name. Forget deep conversation, it’s all about whether you know someone who’s got a Grammy, or at least a cousin with a banjo.

11. High Cost of Living

• LA: Life in LA costs more than your dignity after a bad audition. From rent to groceries, even a “cheap” cup of coffee somehow costs $8—probably because it’s handcrafted by an artisanal barista who moonlights as a DJ.
• Nashville: Nashville’s prices are climbing too, and while you might still be able to afford a biscuit somewhere, give it another year and you’ll be paying $10 just to sit in the traffic on Music Row. At this rate, even your guitar strings will start charging rent.

14. Lack of Parking

• LA: Parking in LA? Please. You’d have better luck being cast in a superhero movie than finding a spot anywhere near where you want to go. And if you do find one, prepare to pay an absurd amount for the privilege of parking next to a palm tree.
• Nashville: Nashville’s parking situation isn’t any better. Good luck finding a spot downtown unless you’re ready to hoof it five blocks in cowboy boots, which, let’s be honest, weren’t made for walking, despite what Nancy Sinatra says.

15. Everyone’s a Star (or Thinks They Are)

• LA: In LA, you can’t swing a yoga mat without hitting someone who’s “working on a screenplay” or “just got a part in a pilot.” The city’s so packed with aspiring stars, even the guy at the gas station wants you to follow him on TikTok.
• Nashville: Nashville’s no different, but instead of screenplays, it’s all about singles. Every Uber driver has a guitar in the trunk and is “just about to drop their next album.” Forget the conversation—you’ll probably end up getting a demo CD along with your ride.